The Halloween Anti-Monster List

I’m not a fan of horror movies, as you may have noticed from their absence in the review section. But with Halloween quickly approaching it’s worth noting the evolution of horror movies from monsters to overtly gory to intensely creepy. So with that, where did all the monsters go? Well they’re still around. Now and then one of their franchises gets rebooted. The characters also turn up in cartoons or parody roles. But they are most definitely not as creepy as they once were.

In certain cases, these classic monsters are turned completely against type, no longer chasing town folk and grunting. Now they read poetry and play piano. What’s up with that? Here’s our list of least intimidating movie monsters.

Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson)- Twilight

This shmo couldn’t be farther from Dracula. Yes, that’s very noble that he only kills deer for sustenance, (Where was PETA on that one?) but the character is about as intimidating as the Muppet Babies. He sparkles in the sun, he runs like a puppet and his jumping/climbing abilities look like a wannabe Cirque De Soleil performance. Dracula is rolling over in his coffin… which he sleeps in.

Abe Sapien (Doug Jones/David Hyde Pierce)- Hellboy

A very likeable and interesting character, Abe is a rehashing of the Creature from the Black Lagoon. But he’s what would happen if the creature left the lagoon and went and got an ivy-league degree. In context, it works, but when you really think about it, what was wrong with the original uneducated creature.

Sparky- Frankenweenie

A new interpretation, the movie works in redeveloping the original Frankenstein themes. But as a dog, the monster doesn’t do much more than bark, wag and mope. Okay, maybe the last one fits with the original Frankenstein’s monster, but the bull terrier should at least scare people inadvertently.

Sam Wheat (Patrick Swayze)- Ghost

When the shadowy demons kill the bad guys, it’s pretty bad ass. But in the meantime, the film’s ghost, Sam, is nice and compassionate. Films like Ghostbusters teach us that all ghosts are supposed to be mindless jerks. Ghost doesn’t seem to agree with that making the ghost a romantic being. Ugh, that’s a cheesy ghost.

Scott Howard (Michael J Fox)- Teen Wolf

Jacob from Twilight is possibly more embarrassing, but Scott uses his werewolf gift/curse to win basketball games and gain popularity in high school. He should be painfully fighting his condition during the day while terrorizing the villagers, killing farm animals, or something like that!

Well, here’s your Halloween anti-monster list. I’m not saying these are bad movies, but with the exception of Frankenweenie, they would probably be best left for the non-Halloween months. Did we forget any other non-frightening monsters?

Do We Have the Next Mary Jane Watson?

Who’s thinking about blockbusters as movies like Argo and The Master are in the theaters? Well, I’ll tell you who. I am. Luckily there’s no shortage of news keeping our dreams filled with big budgets and comic book adaptations. The Hollywood Reporter has… well, reported that Sony has offered Shailene Woodley (“The Secret Life of an American Teenager,” The Descendants) the coveted role of Mary Jane Watson in the sequel to this summer’s The Amazing Spider-Man.

It’s too early to tell if she’ll be good for the role, but with how well cast the first installment was, we trust the good folks at Marvel and Sony. Woodley was widely expected to snag a nomination for an Oscar last year because of her performance in The Descendants, but that didn’t happen. She did receive nods for best supporting actress at the Golden Globes and Screen Actors Guild Awards though. So I suppose her acting abilities aren’t in question.

The biggest question mark for Woodley lies in the difference between her past performances and the Mary Jane character from the Spider-Man comics. If the producers decide to go for the girl next-door approach of the Sam Raimi-Tobey Maguire trilogy, then Woodley makes perfect sense. But Mary Jane was originally out of Peter’s league, popular, beautiful and a bit too high maintenance for the guy, who was head over heels for the bookworm bombshell, Gwen. Sure Mary Jane was a good friend and of course her and Peter’s relationship changes. So it’s a tough balance for screenwriter’s Alex Kurtzman and Robert Orci, as well as Director Marc Webb to decipher.

The fact that there is even a conversation as to whether or not Woodley is the right decision shows how a few months has made us forget The Amazing Spider-Man. That film surpassed most people’s expectations and quelled the fears that there wasn’t enough time between Spider-Man 3 and the reboot. We’ll be following the Woodley development and other casting news closely. Less than two years until we’re back to web-slinging!

Bringing TV to the Big Screen

It’s hypothetical Wednesday here at What’s Up Movement. With the new network television season in full swing, we’ve all returned to our favorite shows and begun guessing when the new ones will get cancelled. Fresh off the Emmys, it’s an exciting time for a TV fan. But every once in a while the stars align and we are given a movie sequel to a TV show. Sometimes it’s when a failed show seems like it may work better on the big screen. The Nathan Fillion led “Firefly” was cancelled and followed by the movie sequel Serenity a few years later. Other times it’s due to a successful run, the in development “Entourage” movie, "The X Files,” “Jackass,” etc.

So with the many shows that are currently crammed in our DVRs, which ones would make worthwhile movies? Here’s our list.

-Modern Family

Most of the popular comedies would likely suffer from the effects of looking like a made for TV movie. But “Modern Family” episodes roll on with such ease that it seems like each minor storyline could probably play out, and be funny, over a 90 minute feature. It makes sense to turn the show into a film franchise if even to just avoid it being rebooted with different actors down the road. This cast should be in the movie that isn’t getting made!

-Game of Thrones

Sadly “Game of Thrones” doesn’t premiere until the spring, but there’s no denying a bigger budget and film hype would be a big reward to fans. Make the last half of the final book a movie, and see what seasons and seasons of rabid dedication can do for you at the box office. HBO likely wouldn’t let this happen. But that’s what Hypothetical Wednesday is for.

-Revenge

Shows with a fixed plot, like "Revenge,” tend to have a tough time lasting beyond a few seasons. And when they do, things tend to spiral strangely. We’re looking at you “Lost.” So confining “Revenge” to a film would allow for the drama to be more controlled and powerful. It also would prevent soap opera twists and turns.

-Survivor

I don’t have the logistics of such a conversion, reality TV to feature film, but a dramatized account of the show from the perspective of Jeff Probst would be pretty interesting. It could include the drama of the show with behind the scenes quarrels and how crew members actually have to brave nature to make sure panthers don’t attack the 22 year old bartender while she’s snuggling up to the personal trainer from Texas.

-Sunday Night Football

Whenever I look at the weekly ratings, this show called “Sunday Night Football” wins by a mile. It seems a bit violent too with Bears fighting Jaguars and Falcons versus Eagles. But people tune in. Imagine we take the team names and fight their likenesses in an animated movie like the 1987 GI Joe Movie? I can see it now. Cowboys and Patriots have to team up try and fight the superior Giants who have secured Jets to fight with them. No one over the age of 12 would want to watch this movie.

The Unauthorized Harry Potter Sequels

We all know the commonly accepted theory that movie studios will put out almost anything in order to make money. Now that is pretty much true. Sequels run rampant on the success of the originals and most movies could be compared to a past release in either look or theme. But it seems the studios do know when to not push their luck. Consider the highest grossing franchise of all-time, Harry Potter. Yes, they stretched the seven novels into eight movies, but the reality is that characters are off limits now that the written story is done.

But this week HP author JK Rowling releases her first book for adults, “The Casual Vacancy.” There’s no Harry, no Ron and no Hermione, but continue holding your breath. In an interview with the BBC, when asked about returning to the Wizarding World, Rowling said “... if I did have a great idea for something else, I probably would do it. I am very averse to the prequel-sequel idea. A side step could maybe ... well, we'll see." We Muggles will take that as a good sign. If a new book comes, you can be sure a movie would be right around the corner.

In the meantime, say Warner Bros. decided they didn’t want to wait and were somehow able to bring a new Harry Potter movie to the big screen without an accompanying book. Here is our list of potential movie starting points.

-Mapping the Marauders

The most obvious suggestion would be to follow Harry’s parents and their well-known classmates through Hogwarts. There would be the tension between James, Lilly and Snape to deal with. Plus a certain werewolf we all know has to deal with his fang and claw issues on top of finishing his Potions homework. Less dire circumstances than HP, but it would still be fun to watch.

-The Dawn of the Death Eaters

A more intellectual look into Hogwarts would follow a teenage Voldemort around as he takes the school as his own in a dark sort of thriller. Dumbledore would be there at every turn to try to stop him, and his pre-horcrux conflicted mind would make for an anti-hero, who the audience knows doesn’t stand a chance of turning out to be the good guy. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince tells us this would be incredibly exciting.

-The Founding Four

Covering the founders of Hogwarts would give a virtually clean slate to make a new story with characters who were already introduced. Some of the school ghosts were still alive, Slytherin brought about constant fighting and the unshakeable foundation of the Hogwarts system was still in its infancy. Plus what were wizards like so long ago? The possibilities for this story are many.

-The Durmstrang Dodger

One option is take a small role and steer clear of Hogwarts (and England for that matter.) Someone like Victor Krum, who we know has experience dabbling in the dark arts, but isn’t a bad guy for the most part. He’s all the way in Bulgaria where Voldemort is lesser known than the once menacing Grindelwald so the whole school dynamic at Durmstrang must be different than the Slytherin vs. the world mentality of Hogwarts. Plus, there’s the little fact that Krum is the world’s best Quidditch player. Fame related drama ensues.

-Wizard War I

Our vote for a Harry Potter prequel comes when the boy wizard was just an infant. Fans are familiar with a lot of the big events during the first battle between Voldemort and Dumbledore’s Order of the Phoenix. But a closer account with James, Hagrid, Sirius, and all the others at the forefront would be golden for fans.

As awesome as any of these films would be, Harry is, like we said, off limits for the time being. So we’ll have to keep watching the eight films we already have. “The Casual Vacancy” is in stores now.

Let us know your ideas in the comments.

Five Things The Emmys Said About Award Season

Those familiar with What’s Up Movement and our commentary know that award season is a very prominent time on our film calendar. And since the film festivals are coming to a close that means we are there. First up is the 64th annual Emmy Awards. Crickets… Aren’t the Emmys for television? Yes, they are. But we can learn a lot about what is in store for the reminder of the trophy year from how the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences made their decisions this past Sunday.

-There is still a place for movie stars.

The media is constantly telling us that movie stars like Tom Cruise or Denzel Washington no longer have the influence they once did. But Kevin Costner’s win for Lead Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie says otherwise. Sure, he was praised for his turn in Hatfields and McCoys, but there is a good chance that the scenario in this category played out as tie goes to the movie star. And with other favorites like Idris Elba and Bill Paxton losing out to the better known Costner, that theory is viable.

-Hollywood is Predictable

Jon Hamm lost again, Modern Family won everything again and it’s become pretty clear that the “artists” no longer respect network television. So when the film nominations come out we may get thrown a bone for a fan favorite like The Dark Knight Rises or something similar, but they will not win. Nothing will compromise how cultured Hollywood thinks they are.

-Hollywood Doesn’t Want To Be Predictable

How else can one explain Jon Cryer picking up the win for Lead Actor in a Comedy or Jeff Probst not getting nominated after four consecutive wins for Reality Host? Sadly, it has less to do with performance than it does a statement being made. It doesn’t matter that the nation collectively wanted Steve Carell to get an Emmy for his time on “The Office” after being nominated from 2006-2011. That’s not for the nation to decide.

-Ryan Seacrest Actually Knows Stuff

The guy is a perpetual punch line, but his connectivity with Hollywood and the big names in entertainment make his red carpet interviews way better than the others. Putting aside the incessant side bars from E’s fashion police and their gimmicks like the “Mani-cam,” Seacrest’s coverage actually proved more insightful than ABC, who was actually hosting the show. The other award shows will be similar.

-Don’t Bet on It

I always predict the Oscar winners with my family, but don’t put any serious dough on these award shows. There are all kinds of numbers that show how many Best Picture Oscar winners won after getting the Critic’s Choice, Golden Globe, etc. but no one really knows. Did you know Betty White was nominated for hosting the reality show “Betty White’s Off Their Rockers?” Explain that one to me and then you can bet on the Oscars.

The Lost Roles of Denzel Washington

While promoting his latest film, Flight, Denzel Washington revealed to GQ a few roles he let slip away throughout his long career. It’s always interesting to play the alternate reality game with Hollywood’s finest and in this instance Denzel states that the David Fincher thriller, Seven as well as Tony Gilroy’s directorial debut, Michael Clayton were the ones that got away. After he passed on the films, the roles went to Brad Pitt and George Clooney respectively. Those are some pretty decent fallbacks if you ask me. Denzel also goes on to say that he sought roles in Platoon and Full Metal Jacket. But why stop there? We cast Denzel in this year’s biggest movies to see how things would have gone.

The Avengers

We offer Denzel the roles of both Tony Stark and Nick Fury. He turns them down to play The Hulk. The world is treated to the most unique portrayal of Dr. Bruce Banner we’ve ever seen. The Hulk no longer growls, he just laughs coolly while strolling through the New York City war zone. “Huh Ha! Hulk gonna smash ya!”

The Dark Knight Rises

Due to scheduling conflicts Denzel has to turn down the Batman role, but he is able to play Alfred. When director Chris Nolan tells Denzel to inspire Bruce Wayne, he misunderstands and busts out his speech from Remember the Titans.

“This is where they fought the battle of Gettysburg. Fifty thousand men died right here on this field, fighting the same fight that we are still fighting among ourselves today.”

After a long explanation about Gotham’s location in the fictional US and who the villain is, the scenes get cut from the film.

The Hunger Games

Denzel plays Haymitch, Katniss and Peeta’s mentor and past winner of the games. While insisting on going method for the role, it turns out Denzel gets giggly when drunk and spends the whole time claiming he won the Hunger Games by building a room behind a wall and robbing a bank, a story which is very similar to his film, The Inside Man.

The Amazing Spider-Man

Taking on the role of Dr. Connors/The Lizard, it turns out Denzel does a great job and the crowds rejoice. Imagine that.

I guess Denzel doesn’t need our help. Flight opens November 2nd. The full GQ interview can be read here.